America’s fascination with flavored spirits has entered an entirely new dimension. On the heels of Pernod Ricard’s just-released trio of Mama Walker’s breakfast-inspired liqueurs — Maple Bacon, Blueberry Pancake and Glazed Donut — Kellogg’s has announced that it is jumping into the beverage alcohol market.

The nation’s cereal giant, based in Battle Creek, MI, has teamed up with a craft distiller from nearby Kalamazoo to produce a line of Pop-Tarts® Vodka. The initial roll-out will include Brown Sugar Cinnamon, Classic Strawberry and S’mores, with plans for at least three new flavors to come annually.

While industry outsiders may groan at the news, Kellogg’s spokesperson Sheldon “Sugar Smack” Smulligan asserted at a press conference that the new Pop-Tarts® venture is different from all previous flavored products. “What Americans have always loved about Pop-Tarts®,” said Smulligan, “is the option to eat them toasted or untoasted. Pop- Tarts® Vodkas offer them similar fun flexibility and transformative power.”

He went on to explain that, thanks to proprietary production techniques, Pop- Tarts® Vodkas can be served chilled or heated. When heated, the flavors take on a “toasty edge” that resulted in the highest favorable focus-group response rate Kellogg’s has ever seen.

Indeed, the samples of chilled and “toasted” Pop-Tarts® Brown Sugar Cinnamon Vodka passed out at the press conference proved quite distinct; the heated examples had top notes of savory nutmeg followed by a burst of caramelized brown sugar leading into a slightly burnt but flaky finish.

Smulligan added that the new line of 80-proof vodkas had been in development at Kellogg’s headquarters for years. While he stopped short of calling it the greatest thing since sliced bread, he did predict wild popularity for the new brand. “These flavors are going to have mixologists coming to work in pajamas,” he said.

When asked about the next Pop-Tarts® Vodka flavor, Smulligan indicated that it will likely be in the Wildlicious® family, and that each bottle will include “real sprinkles” that will create a “rainbow snow globe effect” when the bottle is shaken. He categorically rejected any notion of Kellogg’s launching a complementary line of spirits based on classic breakfast cereal flavors. “Now that,” he chuckled, “that would be silly.”